If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
