did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
