I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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