i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
