You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Come on in and take your pants off
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