You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
