And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
