i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
