Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
