I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
