What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
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My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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