I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
