aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
