Tell her she can't have a vagina
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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