i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
