Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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