why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
