In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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