feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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