I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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