she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
