The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
