I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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