is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
