if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
