New invention idea: vibrating tampons
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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