my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
