A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
