There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize