how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
