So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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