Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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