so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
