Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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