my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
