how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Houston, we have a blender
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
