Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
