Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
