i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
