i just wanna soil my oats bro
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
