Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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