I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
