I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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