I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So squirting runs in the family.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize