Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
