I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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