he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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