And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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