I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
