This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
