I hope mine doesn't look like that
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
