I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
