My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
