I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
