Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
