Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
