I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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