i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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