the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize