I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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