I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
