bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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