My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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